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Friday, November 28, 2008

Falling Out of Love

I'm working on a book which requires me to examine our innate ability to know when something is wrong - whether it's in a relationship, with our families or on the job - as women, we know when something is not quite right. I've interviewed lots of people about relationships ... so tell me what you think about a fictional situation I call, "Love's Latest."

We often ravage the magazines looking for the latest fashion trends – from the newest Roberto Cavalli trouser to the latest Gucci bag. But like most fads and trends, they change quickly – in one season and out the next. But some say if you're lucky, you've missed it without noticing or got just enough of it to transform your life.

For Phyllis, "love" was like vintage Mary Janes – old, never out of style but worn sparingly. She dated her husband for more than five years and they've now been married for a little more than two. When asked why they waited to get married, she said, "It never seemed like the right time."

They met in college, he pursued her for more than two years, but according to her she didn't want to settle down. So once she decided, "Ok he's a good guy," they started dating. They talked about having kids, religion, their childhood – everything you would discuss as you're building a new relationship. About one year into their marriage she felt as though the passion was starting to fizzle. Not just physical intimacy but the spiritual connection she says she thought they shared. Naturally, Phyllis decides, "Maybe there is something wrong with me." She went into her, "Superwoman fix it" role.

After six months of trying to "fix" their marriage, he told her he wasn't happy and wanted a divorce. It was as if one day, he woke up and fell out of love.

Is this possible? Can you be in love one day and out the next?