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Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Jig Is Up (Here's a long one worth the read)

There are many meanings of the word "jig." One that I found especially interesting was courtesy of : "Angling. any of several devices or lures, esp. a hook or gang of hooks weighted with metal and dressed with hair, feathers, etc., for jerking up and down in or drawing through the water to attract fish."

I'd been receiving issues of "Field and Stream" for months and quickly discarded it because it was one of many in my "spam-mail" collection. It was enough to be bombarded with e-mail but getting physical mail that I didn't want was annoying - until now. I started reading an article in the magazine called, "King Lure" and it talked about different jigs (affordable ones, their purpose, etc). I thought, "Hmm. Now here's a topic."

A jig varies in shape and size. Based on the rod and line, it can also produce varied results. Like a jig, men (or women) can be alluring, weighted with "psychological" metal and dressed to impress - all while fooling their intended target. So I wondered, are we the jigs wavering through the dating waters searching for the right one or the fish,  waiting to be hooked? Sometimes we're both.

My friend "Cynthia" went on a blind date (as suggested and set up by a mutual friend ) with a guy who showed up looking dapper. Unfortunately, he had a striking resemblance to her ex-boyfriend. Yikes. Ok people, let the maneuvering (or wavering) begin.

The date started with intentions of just having lunch, but with great optimism and promise (the hook) - the date was expanded to include a late night party at a swanky LA club. 

Into the water ... 

They had lunch ...and ...he grossly inhaled his food. He then said, "Oh, I'm just a fast eater." Apparently, my friend's face showed signs of caution and worry. When they left he said, "You know you got parking since I paid for lunch. I know how you California women are." (Da da da daaa....There's the weighted metal and all it's glory.)

Right before leaving, he ranted about how he wanted to watch the Laker game. Cynthia said she would rather go to the gynecologist than watch the game, but decided that the gyne could wait and headed back to her place. At home, she handled a few items around the house while he watched the game. After a bit....he randomly (and surprisingly, I might add) lights a joint. Yes. Reefer, grass, marijuana - A JOINT! My friend doesn't smoke and let me remind you that this is their FIRST DATE and furthermore, he did not ask if he could light up in her house. After a few words...Wiggle. Wiggle. Pull. Pull. And...he's still hanging on.

Cynthia pressed on. After all, he knows where she lives (which is not a common dating practice for her) and she decided that it could not get any worse. (Deeper...)

He falls asleep on the couch. Snores. He wakes up and says, "My stomach doesn't feel good. I really need to take a sh*t and shower." [Yes this is what he said - no exaggeration.] She gives him a towel and lets him clean-up before going to a friend's birthday party. (Shallow waters...)

At this point, she's completely disgusted by him but decides to get through the evening. (Side note: If you knew my friend, you'd realize that her patience in this was an amazing feat because right when he asked her to pay for parking, she would have "cut the line" and had a few choice words.)

At the club, she talks with her friends (and by now she just wants to enjoy the evening and be done with this fool). Suddenly, she looks around and can't find him. Finally she finds him...cozied up with another woman. She walks over and says, "Awe, are you two on a date?" (lol) She informs him that she's leaving in a few minutes (they rode together). Now I know what you're thinking. She would have left him, but ...he knows where she lives (his car is parked outside of her place). Damn. Back to the water...

Because he was drunk my friend decided to let him sleep on the couch so that he did not injure himself or anyone else on the road. However, she did so with the warning, "If I feel the heat from your hand on my bedroom doorknob or the turn of your eyes in the direction of my bedroom, I will hurt you!"  Enough said. (lol)

Bright and early (7 am) she woke him up so that he could leave. Well, like most men, he awoke with ... an erection. He began his alluring prance to which she politely told him how she's just not that into him. (Score!)

He dropped his pants and said, "You are going to turn down this?"

My friend politely answered, "You know, people that know me know that I don't turn down anything but my [shirt] collar but ...I don't want you like that."

Wiggle. Wiggle. Pull. Pull. And...the fish (or opportunity) was lost.

No closing remarks this time, just two questions: Are you the jig or the fish? Are you searching or waiting?